


Apartment A-Side

by FairyMadNess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Intrulogical, Kid Thomas Sanders, Lawyers, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Thomas Sanders (Character) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28689234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyMadNess/pseuds/FairyMadNess
Summary: A collection of happy, funny one-shots with the Sides as human gay disasters. No angst or anything, just happy feelings and funny situations a la FRIENDS.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders & The Sides
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. Roman's Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> If I'm honest, I was just feeling down when it occurred to me that I could write something to feel better and this popped into my head. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

"Thanks for letting me stay here, dear brother. We are going to have  _ loads _ of fun~," with the way his twin brother was smiling, Roman doubted it.

"Just...  _ try _ not to disgust my roommates," Roman sighs. "You are only staying until you finish moving into your new home. So don't get too comfortable," he reminds the other.

Remus and Roman might have been brothers, but neither one of them liked the other very much. They looked the same, but the two couldn't be any more different. From childhood to adulthood, the two were always at each other's throats. Roman had been glad the day he was able to afford to leave Remus' side. And now, he had to house his thot of a twin brother for a few days until his stuff arrived. Great.

Why couldn't his roommates say no? His father would have left it alone if the others weren't okay with it. But noooo, Patton had to be his dad-self and house the STD rat bastard Remus. And Logan thought it was a 'logical solution', so he saw no problem with it. And Virgil had accepted, just not to contradict the other two. No matter what Roman told them about Remus, they had accepted.

Even if he told them about the knife collection, the serial-killers trading cards, the time he pushed a man off a window, or his taxidermy hobby. They thought he was inventing it all. Too bad, he wasn't. Remus did all of that and more. And he couldn't wait for the other to realize their mistake after a night of him staying with them.

The two brothers finally arrive at Roman's flat, and they carry Remus' suitcase to the apartment. Their living space was simple. Just a kitchen and living room that had two hallways on each side. At the end of each hallway was a bathroom, and two rooms on each side. Roman and Patton had the right, and Virgil and Logan had the left. Remus would sleep on the living room. Roman didn't want him anywhere near his awards, not after he melted the others when they were six.

The two going inside, and find Logan sitting on the couch reading. When he notices the two come in, he stands up and fixes his necktie and glasses before coming to them and introducing himself.

"Good evening. I am Logan Logika. I believe you are Roman's brother. I hope our accommodations are to your liking," he stretches his hand towards the new guy.

Remus stares for a few seconds, and then licks his hand with a grin, and shakes Logan's hand. "Remus Nazione!" he exclaims.

Logan stares at his now wet hand, and then at Remus judgingly. He quickly shakes it off with a shrug, and steps into the kitchen for a minute. Roman, however, had just saw a golden opportunity with which he could get rid of Remus. If Logan, who was the rational one out of them, saw how irrational Remus was, then he wouldn't want him in their apartment, and he would kick him out. And achieving that would be easy. The only thing he had to do was let Logan spend more than an hour with Remus.

With the idea on his mind, the red wearing man takes out his phone and makes it look as if he just got a message. "Oh, no! This is horrible! Outrageous!" he exclaims dramatically.

"Roman, is there a problem?" Logan asks, carrying the plate of cookies Patton had done to welcome Remus.

"Did dad finally tell you he found you in a dumpster and feeding off a racoon with rabies?" Remus grins at the unpleasant image.

"No. It's the director of the play. There has been a wardrove malfunction, and they need me there ASAP," he lies, and watches as Logan nods and Remus squints at him suspiciously. "But I can't possibly leave. Remus is my brother and my responsibility. I can't abandon him to his luck," he says, performing his damned best.

Remus murmurs something ~~(not like you haven't before)~~ , and then Logan falls right in his trap. "Well, if it is important, then I believe I can keep Remus company for you, Roman. It will be no problem for me," he will be regretting that statement later.

"Really, Logan? You are a saviour, A hero. Call me if you need anything," he is out of the door in an instant.

Was it rude to use Logan as his space goat? Maybe. Was it necessary? Absolutely. Remus and his unfiltered no-shame persona would scare the crap out of Virgil, and it would taint Patton's innocence. No, this was for the good of their house-hold and sanity. Now, he just had to find a place to hide and wait for Logan's desperate call for help.

But where to?

Oh, he knew just the place.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, Virgil laughed in his face at his plan. It made Roman want to think twice when choosing a place to hide. Virgil had his own art studio, separate from the apartment. It was at the attic of an old building, where the haunted house was held every year on Halloween. He never understood why Virgil didn't simply live here since it was one of the edgiest places on earth. Virgil fitted right in there. But then again, the emo was a strange man in on itself.

At the end of the day, the two went back to their home and Roman still hadn't received the awaited call from Logan. As they reach the entrance of the building, they find Patton there. The three go up to the flat, and find Logan sitting on the couch with a book, wearing his pyjamas.

"Oh, Hello, everybody. I hope you had an efficient day at work today," he says, separating his eyes from the pages for just a second.

"Hey, Logan. Where's Remus?" Roman asks, worried the lunatic of his brother is not within stopping range.

"Oh, do not worry, Roman. Your brother is alright. He is sleeping in my room, he was tired," Logan explains.

"Oh. Alright. He didn't give you any trouble?" Roman asks.

"No, he didn't. I am actually quite fond of him. His knowledge is quite interesting, though a bit unusual. But I am not one judge on the interests of others," Logan says and turns to the next page.

"Great," Roman says through his teeth. He can't believe his plan didn't work out.

Virgil grins at him, in an 'I-told-you-so' way, and Patton, getting things ready to cook dinner. He is about to start cooking, when he notices something on Logan's neck.

"Oh, Logan did something happen? You have a bruise on your neck," he says and gets closer to look at it, before going to get the first aid kit.

"There is no need to worry, Patton. I am fine, it is not a bruise," Logan tries to calm him down. 

"Yeah, Pat, that's not a bruise, that is a hickey," Virgil adds when he takes a closer look.

"A hickey!?" Roman exclaims.

"Yes, Roman. A hickey is a red-mark in the skin, usually left behind after the said place has been bitten and sucked on," Logan explains.

"Why- what- who-," Roman stammers.

"I'm sorry, Roman, but you need to finish your sentences, if you want me to answer them," Logan says.

"Wait," the actor suddenly stops, as the reality dawns on him. "No. No no no no no no no no no..." he chants with a disgusted face, as he moves around the apartment. He goes around the living room and then goes to his room.

"Should we check on him- oh, wait, he is coming back," Patton says, as he watches the show next to Virgil.

"... no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, no. No. NO! Logan! Did you- did you sleep with Remus?" Roman asks, fearing the answer.

"No, Roman, I did not sleep with your brother, nor did I have intercourse with him," Roman sighs relieved. "However, we did have an intense kissing," Princey feels nauseous again. "Your brother appears to be interested in me. So, if I could have your permission, I would like to-"

"No! I am not giving you permission to have sex with my brother! Find someone else if you need d*ck that much!" Roman interrupts.

"Roman, language!" Patton exclaims.

"You misunderstand me, Roman. I only wish to treat your brother with the utmost respect, and take him out to dinner before we move further with the relationship..."

Roman didn't hear any more as he melted onto the floor in confusion. How did it come to this? How could such a flawless plan become such a mess? As he stays in the floor, he can hear Patton move to cook dinner and a door opening. As he looks up, he sees his brother jump up to Logan and ask him about the next D-appointment. That makes him moan in pain again. Virgil is the only one who takes pity of him, and starts patting his head.


	2. Remus' Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened in the apartment after Roman left.
> 
> AKA how Remus found himself a cute nerd and proceeded to simp like one does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Intrulogical! I am so glad I did this!! Also, my birthday is coming soon, so updates on any and all fics might slow down...

"Really, Logan? You are a saviour, A hero. Call me if you need anything," Roman says, and is out of the door a second later. 

It doesn't really surprise Remus. His twin brother would rather do anything than spend time with him. Which he could understand, he would rather die than spend more time with his twin. They already spent all their childhood together, and that had been more than enough. 

Remus didn't need his plastic basic bitch of a brother to have a good time. However, he didn't want to spend it with nerdy wolverine over here. The guy, Logan was it, looked like a strict square and teacher. And no matter how hot he found that, it usually meant he was no fun at all.

"Here, one of our other roommates made these as welcome present," he says and shoves a plate of cookies on his hands.

He follows the nerd to the living room, and the two sit down on the couch in front of the Tv. He munches on the cookies like he always does, gulping them down by the handful while the other stares. Logan waits until he is done with the snack to talk again. "I believe that to be a good host; I should entertain you. What do you find entertaining?" he asks.

"I like to open up bodies with a sharp object and take out the insides," he smiles.

"I see," he hums. "Do you do a downward, horizontal cut from the pectoral area, or is it more efficient to do so below the external oblique at the side of the body?"

"I know, it's disgust- WAIT, did you ask something about it!?" he exclaims surprised. Nobody wanted to hear anything about what he said. Just because he didn't hide about the real world like his brother, Roman. He always preached about unicorns and dragons and happily ever afters. But not him. Remus knew the reality. People were made of meat tissues and squishy organs filled with blood, and they would die eventually.

But people were stupid, and they all prefered the curtain that his brother presented. Well, almost all of them.

"Yes, I wish to know more about you and your interest. I promised Roman I would keep you company. So, do you use a scalpel or some other type of sharp object to open up corpses? Of which I believe you are doing legally," Logan says.

"I-I do... I'm a forensic scientist," he answers, still shocked by Logan's reaction. "And the cutting depends on how the person died. The last time I had to open somebody top to bottom, it turned out the man had been suffocated to death by being made to swallow arcade machine coins," he explains.

"Fascinating! How do you know he was forced to ingest them, and he didn't do it by his own volition?" he asks, interested.

"There were signs of force on his skin," Remus tells him, dazed and with stars in his eyes. He is starting to love the fact that his brother left him with Logan.

The two keep on talking. They went from Remus' job, and somehow ended in a discussion over what chemical would be better for blood removal. As the time went on, Remus started shifting closer and closer to the tie-wearing man. He would get lost in the movement of his lips, and those framed blue eyes. And when he moved close enough that he could touch the other man, his hands gained a mind of their own, and wandered around the nerd, like spiders wander around the rotting corpse of a fly trapped in their web.

He had been flirting and filling the conversation with sexual innuendoes. But it seemed as they had no effect on Logan. The man was either completely clueless over Remuses advances, or uninterested and trying to be polite. Remus was now draped over the other. He had his legs over Logan's lap, his head leaned over his shoulder, and his hand playing with his tie. His voice was low and sensual, and being so close to his neck was so tempting. He just wanted to lean in closer and take a bite.

"Excuse my forwardness, but are you romantically interested in me?" Logan asks, looking down at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Maybe~," he coos, and giggles in a flirty way. "What are you going to do about it?~," he challenges, and sees something flash in his eyes.

"I'll say that I feel flattered, and that your advances are well received. I too find myself very attracted to you," Logan tells him, fixing his tie. "However, I believe we must put a temporarily stop at the moment, before things progress further," Remus opens his mouth to complain, but he is interrupted by Logan before he can get a word out. "Your brother is my roommate, and while he can be infuriating, I don't think it would do any good if he was to find us in this situation. Our house-hold harmony could be broken, and that could lead to problems. I believe our best course of action will be to wait for him and tell him that our relationship will proceed romantically one, rather than platonically," he explains.

"You don't need Roman's permission to date me!" Remus complains. "I am the only one who has the final say on who I fuck! And I think it's time we move further into the bedroom, and you further inside me~," he proposes, and changes his position to be sitting on Logan's lap. He grinds down to drive his point across.

Logan clears his throat before speaking again. "As delectable as that sounds, I must decline your proposition. The house-hold harmony must be maintained," he is about to take Remus off his lap, when the man with facial hair stops him.

"But, what if this is his plan?" he points out, making Logan stop in his tracks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my brother is hopeless stupid romantic, and a wardrobe malfunction is not going to take him all day. He ditched us here for a reason," Logan hums, taking in what he is saying. "Maybe, he wanted to play match-maker. I'm new in town, and you are single, right?" Logan nods. "It's the perfect plan, don't you think?" he doesn't, for a second, think that Roman would do anything like that for him. But if he can convince Logan, that he might, then they might get down to  _ business _ .

"That quite the unusual plan Roman would come up with, but I can see how you might have arrived to such conclusion," he says, rubbing his chin thinking. "How do you suppose we should test this hypothesis you have created?" Remus grins get bigger.

"Well...~" he leans in closer, wrapping his arms around Logan's shoulders. "I might have an idea~," he whispers right above the other's lips, before closing the distance.

Logan both relaxes and tenses when their lips connect. His shoulders goes lax, but he holds onto Remus tighter. They don't synchronize well at first. But once they get a rhythm going, they just fit together. It's like finding the missing puzzle piece you been searching for years. Remus, who has been with his fair share of different partners, had never felt so much from just a kiss. He feels like pins and needles are stabbing him softly on his stomach. Logan's lips are hard but smooth, and he can feel how breathless he is due to the soft kiss.

When they separate to breathe, he can see pink dusting his nerd's cheeks and the dazed stare with which he looks at him. It is in that moment that Remus decides he is going to marry this man. No matter what his brother says, he is going to marry this nerd. Unluckily, his unrested body decided to cockblock him, and he let out a tired yawn. 

"Are you tired?" Logan asks.

"Just a little, I been travelling since yesterday," Remus explains. "But it's nothing. We should keep going," he leans back in, but Logan stops him.

"We can continue this when you are better rested," he tells him with a soft smile, that makes Remus feel gushy inside. "Come, I will lend you my room for you to sleep," Logan takes him to the left side of the apartment, and to a blue door that had the name 'LOGAN' written neatly on the front.

"Have a good rest, Remus. I will wake you for dinner if needed," he tells him as he opens the door for him.

"Thanks, but before you go..." he wraps his arms around him, and gives him another kiss. The two get lost in each other's lips, and before he can stop him, he takes a bite out of Logan's neck, and then sucks on the skin. His nerdy wolverine is the most exquisite blood-red colour. He grins at his reaction before going inside the room. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he wakes up, is to the sweet sounds of his twin brother in pain. He steps away from Logan's room, that smells like ink and crofters, and goes to the living room. All the roommates are there. The guy with the bakery is cooking, and the painter is looking down at his brother on the floor. Logan is putting his book back in the library and the hickey he gave him still red and proudly presented on his neck. 

"So, now that he knows, can we have that D appointment?" he asks as he wraps his arms around Logan's waist. His brother lets out a pathetic wheeze, and the emo pats his head in comforts.

He's got to admit, moving here was one of the best ideas he ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say for sure when I'm going to post it, but the next piece I have plan for this is about Thomas and how he fits into this story.
> 
> All I can say is, prepare for cuteness!


	3. Enter Thomas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The role Thomas (character) plays in this AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas (character) doesn't have a big role here. At first, he was going to be the owner of the apartment complex where they lived, but I trashed that idea. Then I thought on making him a stressed teenager that Picanni has a patient.
> 
> But then I thought of this and I loved the idea.
> 
> Enjoy!

Patton made sure to pack everything before leaving. He needed not to forget anything, or he would let down Father Jonhson. One of the churches from downtown was organizing a fair to raise funds. It would all go to a Cancer foundation, and as a proud member of society, he wanted to do his part to help.

Putting all he had cooked in the back, he got on his car and set to his destination. He arrived quickly, and was welcomed by one of the other volunteers, that helped him to his booth. He was setting everything on it, when he felt something crash against his legs.

When he looks down, he comes face to face with an adorable sight, a kid. They were probably no older than five or six, with the most innocent brown eyes. The kid was using a red t-shirt with a star in it, and looking up at him in child-like wonder.

"Are you okay, kiddo?" he asks, offering a hand to help him back on his feet.

"I am!" the kid takes his hand, and is back on his feet a second later. "Sorry for crashing into you..." he apologizes, looking at his feet with a pout.

"Oh! It's okay, Kiddo! I'm just glad you are not hurt!" he reassures the little guy while patting his head. "I'm Patton, what your name?" he asks the kid with a smile. 

"I'm Thomas!"

"Well, nice to meet you, Thomas! Where are your parents? You shouldn't be here on your own," he asks, looking around to see if someone was looking for him.

"I came with my Aunt Patty!" Thomas exclaims.

"Really? And do you know where she might be now?" he asks, hoping the kid can answer. As much as he would love for the kid to stay, he doesn't want his aunt to get worried. Unluckily, Thomas shakes his head.

"I don't know... She was looking at candles, but then I didn't find her anymore..." the kid mumbles, his pout coming back to his face and some tears dotting his eyes.

"Oh, no, don't cry, Thomas," he quickly takes a napkin from his stand and cleans his tears away. "How about you stay here? Maybe we'll see your Aunt Patty, or somebody that you know?" he suggests, getting a pouty nod from Thomas. "Alright! You sit here, so that people can see you," he sits him on top of the table, and then goes to the back again.

But something feels off. It seems that the kid is finally realizing he got lost, and he is on the verge of tears. Not liking to see the kid so sad, he takes one of the cupcakes from his baked good and offers it to the kid. "Cheer up, Thomas! Your Aunt Patty will appear soon!" he smiles and gets a small smile in return, before Thomas grabs the cupcake.

And just like he said, Aunt Patty is an easy lady to find.

They hear her first, a loud, desperate cry of  _ THOMAS _ . Then, a blonde woman goes by running, still shouting for Thomas. She has to do a double-take when he sees him on the bakery stand. Taking the kid into her arms and crying of relief at seeing him. Patton quickly explains what happened, and even though the woman offers to pay for the pastry, he gave Thomas, he refuses. It was only one cupcake, and he had plenty more to go around. The woman doesn't seem to like getting a no for an answer, because she then buys him two slices of chocolate cake. 

"Bye, Patton! Thanks again!" Thomas say to him once they take their leave. His face filled with chocolate fudge, as he waves his little arm.

"Bye, Thomas!" he returns the gesture with a smile.

_ 'Such a god kid...'  _ he can't help thinking.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were few places where Logan felt at peace. His room at the apartment and his office at his work-place were his favourite two. But there were some other places he found himself enjoying. Remus's apartment had become one of those places recently. Though it had to do more with Remus himself than with his apartment. 

But one of his all-time favourites was the library. It gave him the sort of privacy that living with three other people made it difficult to achieve. The silence, the smell of old books and mahogany from the shelves, brought him peace, and made his focus. Not his usual efficient focus that he used to be productive. But the sort of focus that made him relax and unwind after a hard day. And today had been particularly exhausting. 

First, his white shirt was ruined by another scuffle between Roman and Virgil. Then, he had to deal with a female client that believed to know better than him, and would not reason to logic, no matter what he said. And lastly, his lunch date with Remus had to be cancelled after the other male was called to an emergency. 

All of his day had been somehow ruined by unfortunate coincidences, so he had come to the library. It was the smart thing to do, and the only thing stopping him from bashing his head against Marmol. Losing himself in Conan Doyle was better than losing himself to rage. But as he was peacefully reading, the motion of somebody tugging his pants distracted him.

He looked down to see the cause of the disturbance and found himself staring at a small child. Said child had a red t-shirt with a star in it and had a book in his hand. Once he had his attention, the kid shows him said book, raising the tome over his head. "Mister, can you tell me what it says in here?" he asks, keeping his voice down.

"Of course, the title say 'Rainforests around the glove. A journey of life'," he tells the kids. "What are doing with said book? It is not a toy," he asks.

"My mom said we can take any book we want, since we are returning the other ones we took last month," the kid explains with a smile.

"I see, and why would you want to take this one in particular? It seems to me that you won't be able to enjoy it, since you were unable to read the cover," he points out.

"I wanna save the rainforest! Like Captain Planet!" the child exclaims, before getting shushed by raising his voice. "I wanna save the rainforest, like Captain Planet," he repeats, this time whispering.

"Well, while that is a good reason to get this book, I don't think you will be able to enjoy it. A book should be enjoyed, and you won't be able to read it, so it will be a waste to get this book," Logan tells him.

"I know how to read! I just have problems with big words," the kid argues.

"Well, if you wish, I can give you a better-suited book for your age about the Rainforest," he offers and sees the child nod with enthusiasm. "Very well, follow me, young child," he starts walking towards the children section, with tiny footsteps following him.

"I'm not child, I'm Thomas," he tells him as they walk.

"It's nice to meet you, Thomas. My name is Logan," he introduces himself.

They soon get to the kids area of the library, and Logan searches for what Thomas asked. It takes him a few minutes, but soon enough he finds a suitable book for the kid. It's a pop-up book about a bear explorer who teaches about the jungle. It's not exactly what the kid wanted, but it's the best Logan can do. Thomas doesn't seem to care, either way. The moment Logan hands him in the book, he gawks at it as he reads it.

The kid is about to say something, but somebody calling his name interrupts him. "Thank you, Mister Logan," he says before sprinting down to the man calling for him. 

'What a good kid...' he thinks as he stares at the first book the kid had picked.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was something about Patton's bakery that always called to him. The smell of fresh coffee and recently made pastries filled the air, and have it a cosy cottage vibe that never failed to soothe his nerves. Not to mention his usual table and chair that was the perfect spot. It hid him from the entering costumers. But was also located near the window with the perfect view of the people passing by. It was the only table that only had one chair, so it also drove people away.

He had been coming here for a long time. Probably since Patton opened up the place. It had been him who had offered him the room at the apartment. And even if he lived with the owner now, the bakery still held a special place in his heart.

Today, he found himself in that same spot. His painting weren't coming out right, and his anxiety wasn't letting him think straight. Whenever that happened, he knew Patton and his tea at his little spot would make him feel better. He even calmed down enough to sketch a little. He used this time to practice, drawing the people that came into the bakery and then show them to Roman. The first time the actor discovered his sketchbook, he started making up crazy stories about the people he had drawn. The guy had done it to make him feel better at that time, but it slowly turned into one of their small-time pass times.

The bell of the door snaps him out of his thoughts, and he sees a woman with a kid enter the bakery. Patton gasps in excitement upon seeing the kid. "Thomas!" he exclaims, and welcomes the two newcomers. The kid, Thomas, seems to recognize him too, and he chatters away with Patton.

Without noticing, Virgil starts to draw him. He starts with his hair, and then continues with his shirt, red with a star. He gets so lost on his drawing that he doesn't notice a pair of eyes locking on him, and the owner of said eyes coming closer. He is finished with the lining when he sees the tiny hands and innocent eyes peeking at his art. The kid, when he sees he is not drawing anymore, looks up at him.

"Is that me?" the kid asks, dazed.

"Uhh... yeah, it's you. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable-" he starts to ramble, but is stopped by Thomas.

"That's so good! How do you draw so pretty?" he asks, amazed at what Virgil can do.

"Do you really like it?" it was just a lonely, fast sketch. It couldn't be that good...

"Yeah! It's amazing!" the kid compliments him.

"Thank you, Thomas,"

"How do you know my name?" he asks, tilting his head to the side.

"Oh, I- I'm friends with Patton. I'm Virgil," he says instead of the truth. 'I was eavesdropping on you and your mom,' didn't sound as good. "Do you want the picture?" he offers, trying to move to another topic.

"I can have it?" Thomas asks him, surprised.

"Yeah. Let me just..." he writes Thomas' name behind the drawing, exchanging the a for a star, before ripping the page off. "Here you go," he hands him the pictures.

"Thank you!" the little guy smiles, making his face light up. The woman he came to the store with calls for him, and Thomas makes an entire 180 and rushes to her. "Bye, Patton! Bye, Virgil!" the kid screams as he and his mom step outside of the store.

"Bye, Thomas!" Patton says back.

"Bye..." while he just manages a small sound out of his mouth. 

He sees Thomas show his mom the picture through the window. The little guy is still smiling, and he clutches on to the page tightly to not lose it. 'What a good kid...' he thinks, as he loses them in the crowd.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janus never saw eye to eye with Patton. The naive, happy-go-lucky man had been his neighbour since he moved, and he still hadn't figured him out. He prided himself on his uncanny ability to read people. But Patton seemed to be the exception to it. Even when he invited all the assortment of roommates, he had been able to figure them out. But Patton always managed to surprise him. 

That being said, he made one great coffee. 

He liked it so much he even made a deal with the baker that helped BOTH. He was his lawyer whenever the bakery needed legal help, and Patton gave him a free cup of coffee every day. And he wasn't alone on his opinion about the coffee. One time, half the jury asked to know where he had gotten his coffee. 

However, getting said coffee was more of a hassle than he ever hoped for. Since Patton was a baker, he woke at extremely early hours of the morning. So if Janus wanted to get his caffeinated nectar, he had to go down to the bakery to get it. Now that wouldn't be such a problem, if it wasn't Patton's bakery. The man was too polite and friendly. And so, a lot of his regulars stayed to chat with the baker. Janus usually had to wait to get his order, which had lead to a couple of incidents.

Janus had been in a terrible accident when he had been younger, which caused a lot of problems. One of said problems was the giant scar on half of his body. He could cover most of it with his clothes, but his face was not so lucky. He wasn't ashamed of his mark, far from it, actually. But he could do without Karens saying he had an infection and kids starring at his scar. And since those were most of Patton's clientele, he had to bear with it without coffee in his system.

Like right now, in which a kid using a red t-shirt with a star was gawking at him, without shame. 'It's alright, Janus. Ignore him,' he tells himself.

"What happened to you?" the question takes him by surprise. He didn't expect the little brat to speak up.

"I got it fighting a dragon," he lies. "They knocked down my sword and hit me with its fiery breath," the kid gasps in awe, believing his story.

He chuckles at the kids reaction, but he seems to be the only one feeling like that. It's parent and Patton don't seem too amused at his story. Patton looks apologetic at the parent, before giving him a disappointed look. "I'm sorry about Janus. It's a delicate topic for him," Patton apologizes for him before addressing the kid. "That's not really what happened, Thomas," he tells him, making Janus roll his eyes.

"Really? But it's such a good story," Thomas pouts, before looking back at him. "Can I tell it to my friend Joan? He loves stories!" the kid asks him with a smile.

"... alright," he agrees, surprised at how bright the kid looks. 

"Really!? Thank you!" he smiles even more somehow. Patton gives them their order, and the parent starts waking away from the counter. "Bye, Patton! Bye, Dragon man!" Thomas shouts back at them, waving the hand that wasn't holding his parent.

"He's such a good kid, don't you think?" Patton asks him as he pours him his coffee.

"Not at all," he lies.

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The sound of applause fills the air as Roman and the other actors that performed today, bow down as a final goodbye. It's not one of the most prestigious gigs he has performed in. But there is something about the earnest of children that makes his chest rise proudly. If a child likes something, it will smile. If they don't, then they boo. And today, they cheered and participated as if it was all real.

It was just a park performance with the simple story of a prince rescuing a princess. But the setting had been extremely well done, and they even gave the acting crew some changing stalls. But before he could change from his prince costume, a nightmare came into the back.

"Hey, Roman," his twin greets him, with a face that shows he is not happy about something. "Could you please stop telling our father about every single little play you get a part in? So that he can stop pestering me about sending him pictures?" his brother tells him.

"No. Maybe if you had talent, you could do something with your life and dad would pester me to get pictures. But we both know that won't happen," he teases the other.

"You little shit!" Remus screams and takes one of the morning stars props, raising it to hit him. It's only thanks to his incredible reflexes that he grabs one of the sword props and blocks him.

The two scuffle a little, with Remus clearly angry. Maybe he had a date with Logan or something. Whatever the case, just like all of their fight, it doesn't take long for banter to appear. Remus calling him a 'prince' because he thought he was conceited, and he calling Remus a 'duke' because he thought Remus could only wish to be him. They weren't going at for very long when they suddenly heard a gasp. 

Peeking through the curtains separating the backstage, is a kid wearing a red T-shirt with a star. He has an awed look and is holding one of the pamphlets on his hands. In the propaganda, Roman's character is fighting the villain, who looks eerily similar to his twin. And they are in a scene much like this one.

"Thomas!" a voice calls, making the kid look away. Without saying anything else, the kid looks back at them, waves, and then leaves. But Remus and Roman can hear how he excitedly tell his mom that the prince is still fighting the bad guy.

The whole ordeal is so bizarre that it completely stops their fight.

"How about a truce? I won't tell dad about my performances, and he won't bother you with pictures," Roman offers as he starts changing clothes. 

"How is that a truce? I don't gain anything from it!" Remus moans.

"You want me to tell dad about Logan?"

"It's a truce then," they shake hands to mark it. "You wanna go eat?"

"Sure,"

The two get out of the small backstage area and start on their journey to the next restaurant they see. As they walk, they notice the kid from before, Thomas, staring at them. The kid waves with a smile, and the two brothers make silly faces at him. The kid giggles, but he is pulled away by his parents.

"Good kid, huh?" Remus comments as they cony=tinue on their way.

"Good indeed," Roman agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aunt Patty, when she lost Thomas: THOMAS! Where are you, Thomas!? The parenting adrenaline is kicking in! THOMAS! I can see every equation! Have you seen my nephew!? THOMAS! He is this tall, clearly gay, but we hadn't had the talk yet! THOMAS! Where the fuck are you!?
> 
> There should be a compilation of every time Aunt Patty appears in Thomas' videos. She is basically a character now...


	4. The Coffee Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Patton and Janus meet in this AU, and how a friendship was born out of coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Janus! I know it’s late but I wanted to make a special fic for the occasion. This fic needs more of our Snake Boi. Hope you enjoy!

When Janus first moved into his apartment, he wasn't alone. Not in the sense that he had a roommate or something like that, but that he wasn't the only one moving into an apartment that day. His neighbour, a man with a happy smile and a naive aura, was also moving in.

The man, who he later learned was named Patton, was unusual. He always greeted him with a smile and excitement. He always tried to start a conversation with him. And in the weirdest of cases, he seemed genuinely happy to see him, even if he had always been passive in their interaction. It didn't take him long to understand that Patton was one of those naive, smiling baffoon type of people, that even in the darkest of days could find a glimmer of sunlight.

It also didn't take him home to find his bakery. It wasn't that surprising that someone as disturbingly sweet as Patton would work with sugar daily. He went one day out of curiosity, and regretted the moment he took the first sip of coffee. Not because it was bad, quite the oposite, Patton's coffee was what the snake of Eden must have tempted Adam and Eve with. It was so good, he would even come to this bakery filled with sunshine and fools for a cup every day. But he really didn't want to do that. Call him prideful and egocentric, but coming every day to Patton's bakery just for the coffee seemed like giving his neighbour a win. And he absolutely didn't want that. He had to find something to get over Patton so they could have the same ground.

And luckily, that chance come sooner than expected. A big man stomped inside, glaring at the owner of the bakery. "Hey, faggot! Where is my money?" the man says loudly and threateningly.

"Don, I'm just a little late," Patton pleads with the man, and when it doesn't work, he steps in.

"Excuse me, but you don't talk to my client like that," he jumps in, then takes another sip of his coffee. 

"And who are you, Ugly?" the man sneers at him.

"I'm his lawyer," he responds, gesturing for Patton to stay out of the conversation. "Now if you don't want a lawsuit for unwarranted violence in the public space, I advise you to turn around and come back when you are ready to talk," the man does just that, slamming the door on the way out.

"Thank you, Janus! I don't want to think about what Don would have done if you didn't stop him. But I don't have enough money to pay you," Patton, thanks him.

"We can discuss payment later," he tells the baker. "For now, I need to know what happened, and if you know what the problem is. Try to get it for after the lunch rush, I will come here, and we'll work this out," with that being said, he left.

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"So let me get this straight," Janus begins, as he rubs his temples frustrated. "You spend a ridiculous amount of money on soup daily, instead of paying your dues," Patton nods with a smile, not seeing the obvious problem.

"I have the money, and it's the right thing to do," Patton says.

"Patton, you don't have the money to do that," Janus clarifies. "Maybe at some point you did, but now you are in debt to a lot of people," Janus reminds him.

Patton not only owed money to the man from the morning, but to a lot of other people too. There was a whole ass assembly that he was indebted to. They were on trial. Which was completely illegal, but he was not going to mention that unless he needed to. And he had also found out his neighbour was an idiot.

"How are you not out of a home yet?" he asks.

"Logan. He takes care of the expenses of the apartment," the fool smiles.

"Look, Patton. While I admire your commitment to your selfless interest in the homeless," he lies. "I don't think you can keep up the pace,"

"But if I don't help, who will?" the man asks, pouting like a sad puppy.

"You can't help the homeless, if you are homeless yourself," he states, shooting down his smile. "Which will happen if you don't take care of your business," he reminds him.

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The 'trial' went in his favour. At first the other business owners wanted nothing more than to trump Patton. He had not been here long, and he was gaining a lot of popularity fast. But then he brought up his ace card. By simply telling them that if Patton didn't feed the homeless, then those people would come to them. For how bad it was, it was surprisingly easy to manipulate entitled people. 

And so the next day, when he got up, he went to get his coffee. It was a Monday, so Patton didn't open the bakery. However, that didn't mean he wouldn't be getting his payment. With his pyjamas still on, he went to his neighbour's door, and knocked. He should have checked himself before, but in his sleepy daze, he didn't notice.

"Hello, Ja-NUUUSSS!" Patton starts saying, but it turns into a scream at the end. "Umm, Janus... you have a... you have a... new friend on your shoulder," the naive man tells him, pointing shakily at his neck.

"Ohh," he says in realization. "This is Deceit, he is my pet," he introduces his Plain Garter snake to his neighbour.

He had always liked snakes. And every morning, before going to work, he fed Deceit, taking him out of his cage and letting him slim around his neck. Depending on the day, he would either take the snake with him to his job, or leave him back in his cage until he returned. The little guy loved hiding in his hat. Maybe he should have given Patton a heads up.

"Anyway, I'm here for my free cup of coffee," he tells his neighbour, shoving his mug in front of the other.

"Okay..." the other says, and steps back into the apartment. Patton comes back a second later with a pot of the sweet waking nectar he prepares, and fills his mug. "Have a nice day, Janus. And a pleasure to meet you, Deceit," Patton says his goodbyes. It was clear he was still weirded out by the snake, but he was trying to be polite.

He leaves with his coffee and his snake, still unable to figure out his neighbour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something funny I thought of while writing.
> 
> Roman: I think I know how we can get Janus as our lawyer for free... We need to sleep with him.  
> Logan: You mean rest with him, or have sex with him?  
> Roman: I mean sex  
> Virgil: Why do you think Patton and Janus are having sex?  
> Roman: When I overheard their conversation, Patton was talking about 'Dee' being a 'good boy' and Janus about 'keeping their deal'.  
> Logan: So your most logical conclusion is that Patton is prostituting himself in exchange for legal services from Janus?  
> Roman: Well, Patton is not the best at making smart business decisions...  
> Virgil: True  
> Logan: can't argue with that logic

**Author's Note:**

> Logik - is logic in dutch  
> Nazione - is the second part of imagination in Italian. (Immaginazione)
> 
> Also, for those that want to know more:   
> Patton has his own bakery.  
> Logan works as a logistic analyser for different corporations.   
> Janus is a lawyer that lives next door.  
> Emile and Remy live in the apartment below. Emile is a therapist and Remy is a bartender.  
> Remus is going to live somewhere else, and he works as Forensic.


End file.
